shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
