Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
