Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
