Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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