I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
