im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
