The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
