I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is wine microwaveable?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
