He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
