I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
