yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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