ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
