That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
