i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
