theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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