he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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