i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
