dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
