Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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