why didn't you poke me back
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
