I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
