I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i came on her dog
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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