I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
