I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
