I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
bring money and cleavage
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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