apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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