i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
