i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize