are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
