You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
