Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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