We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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