Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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