definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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