Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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