College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The adults are the big ones right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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