Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
