2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
this is an emotional support booty call
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
