So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
