I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
