mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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