Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
