Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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