I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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