every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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