If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
