somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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