Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
