I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
