You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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