y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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