I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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