Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drunk is not a location!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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