So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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