btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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