So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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