too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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