im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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