my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
