i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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