dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
