I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
