I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
