u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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