How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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