i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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