I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
