Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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