I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
