my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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