before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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