guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
birth control should be required to get into college
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
